Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread is in the house

Discussion in 'Humor' started by wedgar, Sep 13, 2015.

  1. wedgar

    wedgar Administrator Staff Member Gold Member

    From a Jewish friend:

    Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread is in the house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity. I would suggest that we can do better.Instead:

    For ordinary sins, use - White Bread
    For exotic sins - French Bread
    For particularly dark sins - Pumpernickel
    For complex sins - Multi-grain
    For twisted sins - Pretzels
    For tasteless sins - Rice Cakes
    For sins of indecision - Waffles
    For sins committed in haste - Matzah
    For sins committed in less than eighteen minutes - Shmurah Matzah
    For sins of chutzpah - Fresh Bread
    For substance abuse/marijuana - Stoned Wheat
    For substance abuse/heavy drugs - Poppy Seed
    For arson - Toast
    For timidity - Milk Toast
    For high-handedness - Napoleons
    For being sulky - Sourdough
    For silliness - Nut Bread
    For not giving full value - Short bread
    For jingoism - Yankee Doodles
    For telling bad jokes - Corn Bread
    For being money-hungry - Enriched Bread or Raw Dough
    For telling small lies - Fudge
    For war-mongering - Kaiser Rolls
    For promiscuity - Hot Buns
    For racism - Crackers
    For sophisticated racism - Ritz Crackers
    For being holier-than-thou - Bagels
    For unfairly up-braiding others - Challah
    For provocative dressing - Wonton Wrappers
    For snobbery - Upper Crusts
    For indecent photography - Cheese Cake
    For trashing the environment - Dumplings
    For the sin of laziness - Any Very Long Loaf
    For being hyper-critical - Pan Cakes
    For political skullduggery - Bismarcks
    For over-eating - Stuffing Bread or Bulkie Rolls
    For gambling - Fortune Cookies
    For pride - Puff Pastry
    For cheating - Bread made with Nutrasweet and Olestra
    For being snappish - Ginger Bread
    For dropping in without calling beforehand - Popovers
    For trying to improve everyone within sight -Angel Food Cake
    For being up-tight and irritable - High Fiber or Bran Muffins
    For sycophancy - Brownies
    For rearing children incompetently - Raisin Bread
    For immodest behavior - Tarts
    For causing injury or damage to others - Tortes
    For hardening our hearts - Jelly doughnuts
    For abrasiveness - Grits
    For recurring slip ups - Banana Bread
    For davening off tune - Flat Bread
    For impetuosity - Quick Bread
    For silliness - Nut Bread
    For risking one's life unnecessarily - Hero Bread
    For auto theft - Caraway
    For excessive use of irony - Rye Bread
    For larceny (especially of copyright material) - Stollen
     
  2. Michael J Malone

    Michael J Malone Active Member

    Got lost at grits. Maybe that could be horsebread.

    Very cute though
     
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  3. wedgar

    wedgar Administrator Staff Member Gold Member

    I got this from a friend and don't know where he got it.

    He has a crazy sense of humor similar to mine.

    Sand paper has grit on it making it abrasive.
     
  4. Michael J Malone

    Michael J Malone Active Member

    My thought was that these tradtions come from places that did not have corn. Grits=corn. Horsebread in a very rough form of wheat/barley and/or rye flour that is actually much more coarse than grits, especially creamy grits with cheese. Horsebread makes even whole grain loaves seem particle free.
     
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  5. wedgar

    wedgar Administrator Staff Member Gold Member

    Never tried the horsebread. How does it taste?
     
  6. Michael J Malone

    Michael J Malone Active Member

    It's not as though there is a recipe. It was made of what we would call floor sweepings, today.
     
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  7. Michael J Malone

    Michael J Malone Active Member

    Called my brother John and got this recipe.

    Make a double loaf batch of plain or simple white bread using any white bread recipe and yeast.
    Make the bread without any sugar and a bit of extra salt.
    Leave the bread a bit extra moist.
    Put aside until it has risen to double.

    Then, punch it down.
    Get a pan used for sheet cakes.
    Roll the dough out so that it is the width of the pan but twice the length of the pan.
    Remembering that it is more moist than typical, sprinkle one side generously with rye flour.
    Press the flour into the dough and fold the dough over onto itself.
    Let rest about ten minutes, then roll out so dough is the length of the pan and twice the width of the pan.
    Sprinkle again with rye flour and fold back over again.
    Let rest for about a half of an hour.

    Repeat the steps above, rolling out in both directions, but this time generously sprinkle with whole oats, fresh dimple corn cut from the cob and any thing else that might be 'whole grain' and rustic.
    Press the grains into the dough before folding each time.

    When done, place in sheet cake pan and allow to rise till double.

    Then bake at 350 in oven for twenty to twenty five minutes.

    As flour differs from region to region, it might take different baking times and a couple of tries to get the loaf to bake through.

    Make a lamb or mutton stew; make extra gravy; serve the bread cut up as though it is now dumplings and smother it in the extra gravy.

    The bread is yeasty in flavor; John likes to put cut up raisins and prunes to give it a bit of sweetness.
     
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  8. wedgar

    wedgar Administrator Staff Member Gold Member

    Hmmm.......
     
  9. wedgar

    wedgar Administrator Staff Member Gold Member

    That does sound good...
     

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